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April 27th, 2021

A lot of things happened this month! A teacher I really like offered me a job at the university I study at next year. I'd work as a demonstrator, an assistant during her classes. This is so exciting, but I'm having a big crisis with the imposter syndrome, never had that before. I just don't think I'm skilled enough to deserve such an opportunity, because I feel like if classes were irl, I wouldn't be this good at helping people. I'm just good at googling things and comparing them... Or so I think. Not sure anymore. Even this website is kind of amateurish and I've seen a million better ones done by people much younger than me. Generally, I feel like I'm too incompetent for any kind of job and it's hard to imagine myself doing something, I don't know why I'm like this. My sister works in retail in a clothing store and even though she's younger she seems a lot more competent in that aspect, she handles money, maybe is even on her way to becoming a manager at such a young age which is so impressive.

Don't get it twisted though, I'm insanely happy to be offered this and I'll do it, I'll try to improve till then and this gives me a good reason to do it. The same teacher also maybe found a place for me to do my internship at so that's another great thing to have happened to me! I realized that throughout my life I've been very lucky to have teachers that noticed my abilities and reached out to me even though I'm kind of timid and not the type to chase after sucess and compete. Since I might do a masters degree in the field of information science + pedagogy I might even be a teacher myself someday, and I hope I'll leave a positive impact on some kid like me.

April 4th, 2021

How the hell did a whole month pass, without me writing something?? I've been filled up with anxiety because I had to think of a theme for my undergrad thesis and submit it by the end of March. I did all of that by now of course, but it consumed my mind so hard that I totally forgot to do anything else. I'm currently in the midst of a 7 day mute on a doll site, for the most dumb reason ever. Ableism, they said. You're not allowed to point out hypocrisy to people that love to use their mental illness as an excuse for uh... questionable behaviour. It was a really fun internet slapfight though, I didn't engage in those since I stopped playing tera. I've been thinking of revamping my whole site (I keep thinking about it but not doing anything! very typical me), but my biggest issue is finding decent backgrounds. I've no idea how to accomplish that, everywhere I search for cute stuff I get very 2013-ish results, I might resort to making something of my own.