August 31st, 2021
One last entry for August! Past few days I've been experiencing silly some discord drama, where a friend from a server left the server due to saying stupid shit and she wasn't let back in, as this happened too many times in the past. She was the type that constantly vented about her life and always had people feel sorry for her. I kind of stayed away from her because of that, due to past experiences I'm good at noticing that type of person. She isn't a horrible person or anything, and she definitely had a horrible life but wherever she complained she'd suck out all of the energy. Despite that, even I ended up trying to help her once or twice. I emphatized with her situation a lot because I was in a similar mindset to hers when I started uni. Very depressed and anxious. But I didn't really talk about it much with anyone which was kind of a mistake! and thankfully, I managed to fix that problem by myself. She had help from so many of us but she declined all of it. Worst thing is, now she subtweets about us saying how we never ever offered to help and she played everyones therapist which is just not true. I think she's being self destructive on purpose but it still leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. Maybe she doesn't truly think that and she wants attention from us, which we really haven't been giving her. Either way, it's pointless to think about it. People that can only wallow in their misery won't flourish even besides a super supportive community until they do the first step; which is helping themselves.
Moving on to the typical, the weather. So this past week the weather has been miserable, 13-16°C all day. It's crazy to think that just 8 days ago I was swimming in the river. August took a crazy turn and whatever little hope I had for a warmer summer is now gone. It might get warm again in September but the river will be too cold because of this week. Today I worked in the morning and I'm coming in the evening as well. This really is getting a bit ridiculous. I worked here for 3 years and usually, during the end of August, whole September and October they wouldn't even call me to work. Sometimes I'd only work once or twice a week, now it's 4 days minimum, and that is if I pressure my boss to give me less days because I'm a student I can't work all the time ahhh. Now they need me twice a day? I told my boss this was a one time thing but God knows she'll be trying to take my whole arm after I gave her my finger or however that saying goes lol. I don't understand why she's not looking for an extra student to help us out but I guess I'll have to tell her. I'm just such a spergy loser irl that I have a hard time talking to people like that.
August 27th, 2021
I can smell the end of summer approaching. I hope my seasonal laziness depression doesn't follow as well. This summer was ideal for the river I swim in, it was never hot for extremely long periods of time, we had showers that broke the heatwaves into parts which cooled down the river a couple of times, enough for the algae to never become a problem so the water was never murky and smelly. All in all my area managed to avoid all of the horrors that struck europe this summer like the tornadoes, extremely damaging hail, floods etc. and it was an ideal summer. It's a shame I spent most of it either being worried out of my mind or being exhausted because of the internship and the thesis. The few days I got to rest and enjoy with my mom and sister were great though. We went on a one day trip to the seaside (which I haven't seen since 2016), we went to the pool once which was super fun, I spent a few days at my sister's place. So I guess it was not that bad! This month feels really long when I read through my entries but at the same time it feels like it passed so fast. Also this is the most entries I've written, ever. I went all out this month lol. I have a lot of thoughts brewing in my head, and even though I'm bad at writing them down it helps me unwind a bit.
August 24th, 2021
I received such good news, I'm overjoyed. I found out I don't have to defend my thesis only in September, but in December or February too (along with September of next year). I feel like a weight was taken off my chest. I know this sounds dumb like, how did I not know about this? But my uni is so bad at giving out proper info, there's nothing on the site and each uni works differently. You have to send out at least 3 different emails to get a simple answer. Even the class we had with a teacher that explained "everything" about the thesis missed like half of the stuff I found out down the way. I didn't know that you could get your theme approved like 1 year earlier and do the thesis early too. That kind of pissed me off because it means good mentors were already taken during the normal deadlines. I spent the last summer doing absolutely nothing and if I could've spent at least a portion of it doing my thesis it would've been great. The first thing I did after finding out was take a nap. I came home from work and I napped for like 3 and a half hours. That never happened to me before, I usually nap for an hour and half or so. I guess I was so mentally exhausted and on the edge because recently I wasn't able to sleep well.
So I tried to tune into a thread in an anime club on that cursed site and I noticed something. There's this mantra being repeated on that site and I saw it on twitter too (why do I know so much about twitter discourse when I rarely if ever access the damn site), "fetishizing mlm anime/manga (men loving men aka yaoi) is bad, only gay men can read yaoi" which is hilarious to me because most of the gay men into yaoi on that site are actually trans men but I digress. So as most adults that grew up in weeb spaces know, yaoi and bl is mostly made by women for women. Just how yuri is mostly made by men for men. The type of yaoi made by men is usually a specific brand of bara stuff that I don't see girls be into actually, it's always super explicit too. Anyway, neither are realistic representations of gay love, and to be honest, they don't necessarily have to be. Straight romance is rarely ever showed "right" in romance anime, especially shoujo. It's always borderline abusive, fucked up in some way or just full of irritating misunderstandings. Of course there's exceptions to the rule, but most mainstream stuff is like this. Interestingly enough, nobody ever talks about men fetishizing lesbians with yuri on these sites, it's always about women hurting gay men which like.. most gay men don't give a shit about. And nobody mentions how messed up straight romance relationships are which leads me to believe everyone is so used to it and it's so normalized nobody even thinks to complain about it? Same goes for yuri. I mean growing up, I was much more familiar with the "two hot lesbians kissing for the men" trope than the reverse. So anyway, despite all this drama surrounding it, despite them being sooooooo against bl and yaoi EVERY god damn time I tune into the anime related threads all these teens, most of them girls obviously, talk about is bl manga, manhwa and webtoons. They're all completely enveloped in this genre while I'm pretty whatever about it, but they're the ones that keep screaming how mlm shouldn't be read by women while I personally barely read it and don't give a shit about who reads it. Is... is this what they call cognitive dissonance? I always had troubles with grasping that term.
August 22nd, 2021
Today was so chill. I cuddled with my cat so much, she makes me so happy. Yesterday something happened that got me thinking a bit. I bumped into an old classmate from high school. She was really friedly and said hi to me, asked me how I was doing etc. despite us not talking much back in high school. I found out she had a kid 4 months ago and she got married. And then I realized how out of like 12 girls in my class there were 4 girls that were kind of... off. All 4 of them were sheltered in various ways, either mentally stuck in middle school, friendless, had extremely strict parents that didn't let them outside of the house, dressed like they were 10, had really childish interests, or a combination of those things. I mean, it's normal for an 18 year old girl to have some of these traits, I did too, but these girls just kind of took it to the next level you know? Don't get me wrong, they were kind girls but all of them seemed a bit strange. One of them did a complete 180 in 4th grade of hs and went from having a barbie pencil case to full on drug addict while having sex with random men, but the naive ignorance kind of stayed? It's hard to describe it but I think all of their common link is just growing up in a village/small town with strict catholic conservative parents. Well anyway, interestingly enough, out of all of the girls in my class - only these 4 got married and had kids. Some of them did it as soon as high school finished. And I can't help but think. I saw them as childish, immature, ignorant, kind of shy well, a bit stupid and lacking in common sense. Where did they find these men when they didn't have any friends? All dudes from their local village. It's so strange to think about. How did they mature so fast? Did they really just jump on the first guy that showed interest? Or did those men find the first sheltered girl with low standards? When high school ended, I feel like the rest of us were miles ahead those girls. The rest of us had like, a steady head on our shoulders if that makes sense. Maybe that's why none of us were in a rush to grow up. Well, it's not like marriage and kids means growing that's certain. I don't know. But it just weirds me out. Some of their husbands are a couple of years older, some look like they're nearing 40... I just keep thinking about this. If someone were to read this they'd probably think I look down on them hardcore but I'm really not, they're victims of their life circumstances and I'm sure with more freedom they would've grown up to be more confident and not afraid to be themselves. Anyway it seems to me like they kind of got taken advantage of in some way, but I feel like in my head I'm taking away their agency. But when girls grow up so sheltered, they usually end up like this. So I feel bad in a way. I hope their husbands are decent human beings and I hope they're happy at least.
Another interesting thing happened. The only coworker I liked at my job quit. This work place has the reputation of a holy grail among (mostly) women looking to be drugstore employees, but it seems it's not all that. My coworker was miserable and we talked about how much both of us want to quit. I'm happy for her to be honest. It's a mind numbing job, but at the same time it's really physically exhausting.
August 17th, 2021
A lot of thoughts are going through my head, but somehow I can't translate anything into actual sentences. I'm feeling very distressed when it comes to the whole current world situation. The Afghanistan thing for example. I read so many braindead takes online and they just make me absolutely seethe. And I just think about them for the whole day. Like when people say it's racist and islamophobic to care less about muslim males and prioritize female and children refugees. Have these people ever met muslim males? The ones fleeing are probably just political enemies (notice how the ones fleeing are men without their families, which they're leaving to rot), the rest of the men are probably content with the fact that women are going to become even bigger second class citizens under sharia law. Muslim views on women are probably the wet dream of so many regular males on this world that just thinking about it makes me angry. I hate this clown world. Culture and religion shouldn't come before basic human rights, but twitter users are too deep into idpol to notice. Why am I even contemplating about what random users on twitter have to say? Who the fuck cares honestly (is what I wish I could tell myself, but currently, I care lol).
Islam isn't the only religion on my bashing radar today though. My sis and I have been watching a netflix true crime doc about an unsolved murder of a Catholic nun. Oh my god it made both of us so angry. I know it's such a stereotype, and rightfully so, but why do catholics in particular have such a pedophilia issue? Growing up as an atheist in a very catholic country my view on religion was very lacking from my child mind, I was quite distanced from the community itself, even though my family partook in your regular holiday traditions because they're fun. I didn't know how to say any prayers, I didn't go to religion class in school, I didn't take my first communion or whatever, I didn't go to church choir etc. Those were all experiences I missed out on and I felt ostracized by as a child. But oddly enough, all of those things kind of repelled me from religion instead of making me curious about it. The whole culture surrounding it weirded me out, especially confessing and praying. I was creeped out by priests and I'd always hear stories about how all of our local priests are corrupt, alcoholics etc. And I can't help but to wonder, how did a religion with such a peaceful and loving figure (jesus) end up with so many hypocritical men running it? Nuns though, I'm 50/50 about them. They're either the most calming, motherly and kind figure you'll encounter, or they're just a mean spirited lady. But they're never rapists and pedos lol... That said, being a nun without the religion part sounds actually kind of appealing. Some part of me envies nuns a bit, I think I understand why but currently I'm too tired to write about it.
Lastly, writing here so I don't forget, I wanted to make a webpage for maybe.. anime reviews I finish from this point on. I don't think I'd be reviewing anything I watched before (even my favourites lol) because I have a memory of a goldfish and I forget things really quickly when it comes to shows. I only remember vague details that made me like those shows so much. I'd always be impressed by anons on /a/ remembering names and small plot points of anime they watched 5+ years ago or something. Crazy, how do you do that!?
August 16th, 2021
Today I'll be visiting my sister for 4 days. It was supposed to happen a week ago but her roomate messed it up, she did end up going to a vacation though and now I love her for that. My sis will be working in the mornings so I'll have peace and quiet to do my thesis. I even made some progress today. I need to make a survey though and I'm putting it off big time. I'm in the process of redoing my page almost entirely and I'm liking it so far. Creative juices are just flowing out of me during times like these. I have no idea which clothes to bring, it's super hot today but apparently it will be stormy tomorrow.
I saw a funny thread in that cursed forum I frequent. The title was "commit harakiri if you do this" and the content was basically OP saying how you're ableist if you put special characters in your pronoun bar because people with screen readers can't read them. Somehow the priorities of woke teens never cease to amaze me. Telling people to kill themselves is fine (they know it's a perma ban on that site) but doing something that will slightly inconvenience someones life is disgusting and ableist. Curious!
August 14th, 2021
Today was a pretty good day. I was supposed to work for 7 hours but luckily my work day ended earlier as there was nothing to do. I even had enough time to go to the river and swim a bit. I love summer so much, being sweaty like a pig when biking home is a small price to pay when I'm generally a lot more energetic during summer. I have the will to live and actually do things unlike during winter. It's true what they say, winter babies like summer and vice versa. I've been working on the site a lot, I'm pretty satisfied with the about me page. Now I just need to make the bg images more responsive to smaller screens. I dislike responsive design I want to be lazy and selfish... Yesterday I had an embarassing encounter. I had to drop things off for my moms friend before work and she lives in the same neighbourhood my ex lives in. Of course he had to be taking a walk at 4pm in the scorching hot sun right as I was passing by. I'm actually not 100% sure if it was him because he didn't say hello as I stared him off awkwardly trying to figure out if it was really him. I didn't say hi either. The last time we were in contact was when I had to cut off our friendship due to him trying to get too close to me 5 years after breaking up. He's the type of person that doesn't get hints well, or maybe he does but he chooses to ignore them and be persistent anyway. That's how I got into a relationship with him in the first place, probably one of the more darker periods in my life. I was spineless and friendless.
Another thing happened yesterday, a coworker asked me if I lost weight. Happened last week too with another coworker. I'm not sure why, I weighed myself and everything is the same. I think one of the first places I lose weight in would be my face as it's the last place I gained weight in when I reached a healthy weight. I wasn't anorexic or anything, I was just always naturally skinny but my love for food, reaching 20s and birth control probably slowed my metabolism down and got me to a healthier weight. Anyway, I guess it's because I ride the bike to work all the time now due to warm weather, and I also swim a lot? And maybe, I don't want to admit it though, but maybe it's stress too. So I just look a bit haggard lol. If there's one place I could lose weight in, it would be my arms. Dunno when fat found it's way in there, but I don't like it. Could be easily solved with some exercise, but my laziness overpowers me. I don't like doing arm stuff.
I heard from an online friend PSP batteries are starting to swell up apparently. I think I heard something like this a year or so ago but I ignored it. Went to check my PSP today and it's still fine, I even played on it a bit 2ish months ago. It's over 10 years old now I think. My x button went a bit loose which is why I stopped using it much, although I know it's easy to replace. It still works which is why I haven't bothered replacing it yet. I hope it's not super expensive now or something.
August 12th, 2021
I visited my friend yesterday. We didn't see each other in over a month because I was so busy and we live 2 hours away by train so meeting is difficult. I'm so glad I met a friend like her in uni. I feel like we're going to have a very long-lasting friendship, even when I move away to my boyfriends country. Anyway I had a nice time, I think I had so many other things to tell her that happened to me this month but I just couldn't think of them yesterday. The train back to the main station was late for one hour so I was home 2 hours later than I expected, I had to catch the last train home. Because of that I woke up so tired today, I wanted to work on my thesis but I didn't bother. I have to leave for work in 2 hours. I even slept some more before lunch but I'm still cranky and bloated because I also got my period recently. I was reading some manga in bed just now but it was so grotesque I had to stop, don't think I'll continue this one. I don't know how I got myself into reading borderline ero-guro from obscure magazines in the 90s, I just wanted to read some josei and I ended up in this weird niche. Furuya's Shortcuts and Palepoli were interesting and fun to read despite the few disturbing moments which I think even enchanced the experience but then I read Garden and the last chapters art fucked me up a bit. So to take a break from Furuya's work I ended up reading something even worse, oops.
In other news, why is writing papers so hard for me suddenly? All I need to do is read a few book chapters, paraphrase the most important parts and make a cohesive paper out of it. I don't even have to input my own opinions into it, yet I'm struggling so much after like 5 years of doing it. I struggle a lot less in English though, it's even a delight to do it in English almost. But in my native language? A nigh impossible up-hill battle lol.
August 10th, 2021
Good news! I officially started writing my undergrad thesis. The first part I want to knock off is history of the Internet. Frankly, it's an easy to thing to write about in theory but translating everything into my language is so annoying. I keep getting stuck on simple words like "targetted" or "compromised" that just don't have a good alternative in my language, in specific contexts that I'm talking about. Honestly I'm also just super rusty. I hope I'll be able to finish it this month. If I wrote a page a day it wouldn't be an issue but my attention span is abhorrent. When did it get this bad? Probably during this pandemic. I need to ditch tiktok for good but it's my main way of bonding with my little sister when we're apart, so I don't want to do it. It also takes time away from other fun things I like to do like read manga/books, but it's the biggest nuisance when I have to sit down and write something. Regarding the site, I put all my diary entries into separate pages except for December, because it has the longest amount of entries so I'm lazy to format it. I'll upload it all when I get home from work today. I also made a new index page for my website, and I'll be remaking the whole layout. I decided I want this website to look like an uncohesive mess, because that best represents my inner world. Even my clothing style could be described like that. I can never stick to one thing. Also I won't be editing all the diary pages by month retroactively, that would be too much work. I might swap it every couple of months though from this point onward. I love this online diary, I was never able to journal on paper consistently like here. I wonder if somebody will be reading this in like 10 years.
Today I had online fandoms on my mind. I realized I was never a part of one, especially when it comes to fandoms of currently airing shows. Also, there were two pieces of media with notoriously large fandoms that I never understood the hype about but at the same time I purposefully remained ignorant on them. In my younger teens it was homestuck, and now it's dangan ronpa. Well actually dangan ronpa could go into my teens category as well but it still seems to be going strong. I feel like the fans of both are the same types of people, at different points in time. I don't know why I just see them as that. Like if you were born 5 years earlier you'd be a homestuck kid instead of a komaeda kinnie or something. Homestuck seemed to have this really convoluted world behind it though so I kind of get the amount of people that got into it so hard. But back when dangan ronpa was first becoming a thing (when it was just a psp? game) I thought the concept was pretty unoriginal as I was convinced it was a battle royale (lol) so I became stubborn and refused to look at it ever since, even though I was in the perfect opportunity to play it at the time. Also I thought the characters were really ugly. I hope nobody hates me for this. I'm just weirdly stubborn when it comes to certain pieces of media.
Back to my original point though, I was never a part of a large fandom. I read about fandoms a lot, I hear about all of the drama and crazy happenings, but despite being on tumblr since 2012, I never got to participate in a fandom. Ultimately I think that's a good thing but I wonder how in all this time I've spent online I never got myself involved in fandom mess. Is it weird that I regret it a bit? People always tell me the craziest stories.
August 8th, 2021
I'm enjoying my little vacation this week, mostly by going to the river and reading up on some internet drama. Mostly cwc related. After finding out about the girl that made him confess about molesting his mother I couldn't take my eyes off all the threads detailing her insanity. There's something we share in common, and it's wasting away our youth on 4chan and similar spaces as teens. Sometimes I wonder how was I able to escape unscathed without attention-whoring and endangering myself online while some girls like her fall into this hole of appealing to the most pathetic type of man you could find on the internet. And you know what? I don't think I was much better than her (the spoiled sociopath thing aside), I was just too shy to speak up. And it kind of saved me. I rarely ever mentioned that I was a girl online, as I wanted to be a total cool NLOG that doesn't seek attention online. As if guys would somehow know my post history and see how cool I was, but whatever. That pickme-ism ironically kind of saved me, even though it wasn't a good mindset to have and it definitely hurt me later down the road. I distinctivly remember the adrenaline high I felt when I mentioned that I'm a girl once. It was in 2012 I think, in a shin megami tensei /vg/ thread. I got like 5 replies instantly which was a big deal to me. It was a combination of fear/anxiety due to getting many replies fast and also this attention I received that felt pretty amazing. But the anxiety overpowered me and I didn't do it again afterwards. I guess these type of girls felt the same thing I did, and decided to chase after it. There's something special and extremely self-hating about being perceived as cool by a group of guys that hate the very thing you are. I think most women grow out of this mindset though. Some don't, and it turns into whatever this girl became. Well her or.. shoeonhead I guess. This girl is a bit on the extreme side.
Horrible internet drama aside, I discovered a really good mangaka, Usamaru Furuya. I heard about his manga, Plastic Girl, before but it stayed on my backlog collecting virtual dust so to speak. Finally I decided to read it and I thought it was pretty decent. The art is the main appeal, it's disturbing in its content but it portrays traumatized adolescence and negative feelings about puberty well. It's very unconvential and edgy, I liked it but I didn't fall in love with it or anything. I went to look for similar works and I stumbled upon more works from the same author, I didn't know it was him though, funnily enough my brain just omitted that part. It's called Short Cuts and it's a two volume series of about a hundred short stories each. Its consistent theme are ko-gals, and it basically parodies everything related to them and just Japan in general. It was so so good and really entertaining. I haven't devoured a manga like this before, especially a comedic one. Usually I go through those slowly. There's a lot of black humor and I wonder how is it not more popular online? The format, the comedic timing etc. So many panels just scream internet culture to me that I wonder how this didn't become a staple or a must read.
Anyway I'm really glad I read it and currently I moved on to another one of his works which is called Palepoli. It was published for free so it's more unconvential and experimental than Short Cuts plus it's less censored in a way because there was no editor I think. Either way I'm loving it as well so far. I always had an aversion to really short comedic stories and I'd be too lazy to read them, thinking there was not much to gain from it. But these made me think otherwise honestly.
August 7th, 2021
My new layout is out, I like it a lot more. I decided I don't care about the functionality and cohesiveness of the site as much as I want every single page to just represent something I like. At some point I will redo everything but life is making it impossible for me to do it at the moment.
Enough site talk though, I wanted to write about a slightly embarassing phase I've been going through for like 2-3 months now. ...I'm reliving my pop-punk teen phase at the moment. I've been listening to all of the stuff I used to listen to back then, Green Day, The Offspring, Sum 41 etc. excluding the actual punk I used to listen to. Just the fun, whiny, working/middle class american suburban vibes. I have to say, it really made my commuting and walking around more entertaining. Not to mention the nostalgia. I.. even bought a pair of black converse. I also realized how I don't listen to music when I'm at home, and because of that I rarely discover new things to listen to and like. When I was younger I always had music blasting in the background, but at some point I just stopped, so my journey on just discovering fun new music has been significantly slowed down. I don't know how it came to that but it kind of sucks.
Something I always wanted to do was get a nose piercing, and I might finally be doing it in September! I still need to schedule an appointment but the place I'm planning to get pierced at seems to have a lot of free slots in September so I'm not too worried. I'm mostly worried about the healing process and all. I hope it goes well. I wanted to get a piercing of some kind for so long, but I'm kind of chicken shit mostly because of my grandparents. This sounds so dumb and juvenile when I write it. I have a pretty close relationship with them and I don't want to disappoint them, they have extremely backwards views on tattoos and piercings, despite my uncle having tattoos. I think because he's sort of a failure they associate tattoos with that and that's why they developed these extremely conservative views on it. My mom says they weren't like this before, so this is my best guess. My mom is all for the piercing though which is cool. I just don't want them to hate on me for dumb shit like this, I was always super non-confrontational when it came to these things so I don't think they'd expect it from me. Oh well, I can't live my life just to please old people.
August 5th, 2021
I'm starting to work on a new diary layout. I'm not sure whether I'll
change it monthly or whenever I feel like it. I'm definitely planning
on archiving all my entries by month, because the next/previous page
thing I had going on might become annoying to navigate in the future.
And I would definitely be too lazy to implement something more
complicated in plain js. Anyway I'm in my creative procrastinator mood
today so I've just been messing around with css, making new layouts,
photoshopping images and nothing else. I'm starting to feel like the
word procrastinate is the most common word in this diary. I should
stop treating this place like my hideout from responsibilites, and
just make it into a routine thing.
I was supposed to visit my
sister on the weekend and I was super hyped for it. Plus my friend
would come to sleepover as well but, amazingly, my sisters roomate who
was supposed to be away for a vacation with her boyfriend, broke up
with her boyfriend. Real great. I'm sad for her but also me and my
sister are selfishly more sad that we won't be able to hang out.
Mostly because we knew that relationship was bound to end, but it had
to end at the worst possible time. We were getting suspicious of why
they haven't even booked a vacation yet, and they started doing it
like 3 days before leaving. I guess this explains it. They were in a
long distance relationship but the boyfriend wasn't really too
invested in moving over like he said he would. He comes from a super
conservative muslim family which told him they'd disown him if he
moved back to our country, and my sisters roomate got a really good
job here through connections so no way would she be moving to his
country. Messed up situation. Either way I'm not sure how that would
work if they got married, I hear a lot of bad things about seemingly
lovey-dovey muslim boyfriends that do a 180 after marriage. I've even
seen a few bad examples of that back in high school.
how full of typos my last entry was, but I decided to leave it as is
because it paints a great picture of how exhausted my brain was.
The inspiration for my current monthly page is Moyoco Anno, I'm
reading through her stuff at the moment. Sugar Sugar Rune is actually
my first manga reading experience, it was one of the first four manga
translated into my language. The other two are Blade of the Immortal,
Peach girl and I think Negima. I was around 10 when I read the first
chapter of all three manga that came as a gift in this monthly teen
magazine I used to buy. I remember the big TOMARE sign on the back of
the manga, telling you that that's not the front page but rather the
last page due to the way manga is read.
August 2nd, 2021
I'm back!!! I definitely haven't forgotten about my diary, I just
didn't have time to write in it. My internship is officially over. I
actually had a really nice team and I liked everyone in the office. No
annoying people unlike at my work place. For the whole month of July I
worked almost every day on top of interning for 4 hours daily on top
of commuting for 4 hours daily. Am I exhausted? Yes. But it passed so
fast, and I even kind of miss the interning part. We've been
experiencing a massive heat wave like most of the northern hemisphere
which only made things worse. To help with the heat I spent every
single moment of freedom on going to the river, we even went to the
sea for one day, and to the pool. But mostly it's the river that helps
me with the crazy heat. Thank you for being only 10 mins of walking
distance from my apartment, river!! The one time I visited my friend
before the internship we also went to the river and had a great time.
When I visited the sea I got reminded of how pretty my countries sea
is. It was unusually cold on that day but I still had such a wonderful
time diving and swimming, I love diving. It's so clean and blue, it's
unbelievable. My student job is starting to tire me out, and I told
myself I'm quitting as soon as my boyfriend gets a job. Obviously
because I'll be moving away soon after that. Pretty hyped. My manager
is being weird, she refuses to get more students to help out even
though me and the only other student working there are struggling due
to the traffic increasing. I'm going through so many events that
happened through the past month and half that I haven't written
anything and it's an awful lot of things. A lot of crazy discord drama
too. The cursed forum I'm on is also cooling down slowly but due to
the weird doxxing happening I decided I'd remove some of my past posts
Now I need to write and email to the teacher that got me the
internship. I'm bad at emails but I shouldn't delay this. Also I
didn't even mention what I did there yet, my mentor mostly focused on
passing me some basic front-end dev knowledge that I basically didn't
get at my university, because it's a bit archaic and not super focused
on web development. I learned react and some css frameworks like
tailwind... Anyway I'm pretty happy about learning about all of that
and I'm thinking of doing some related projects in my free time. When
I finish my undergrad thesis of course.