February, 2022

Once again I didn't post for an entire month, I've just been writing unhinged rants in a .txt file lol. Maybe I will put them on the site at some point, but I sound way too unhinged so I'll save it for some other time. Anyway, I've been stuck in a loop again, as I usually do. I've been putting off some things for such a long time it was getting uncomfortable to even think about doing them but yay me I actually did them. First was quitting my job at the drug store. Fuckkkk yeah. I finally managed to run away from that place. My last day was quite anti-climactic as it was just me and my two favourite coworkers on a rainy Saturday evening. There were not many customers either. Except for.... the pervert that basically sexually harassed me two summers ago!!! He came to the store on my last day. What a fucking weirdo. This time he was insanely uncomfortable too but at least he wasn't trying to touch me. I learned from my coworkers that he's an actual retard though, and so is the rest of his family. He has a brother and a sister who are both insane in their own ways so it's just a kooky family. Somehow that makes him less scary, but apparently he got into trouble for sekuhara for real once. I didn't manage to find out what exactly he did, but it checks out. I also managed to contact my teacher who I'm working with. This semester I won't be able to work as I'm finally flying to my boyfriend. After 2 and a half years! Absolute insanity. Anyway, the teacher knew this beforehand (back when she first asked me) so telling her I won't be able to work hasn't been that hard. But I stalled it, of course, why wouldn't I? I'll be leaving in about a week and a half, or maybe I'll be delaying the flight a bit if we don't manage to find a place to stay at in time. Either way, I'm feeling stressed and relieved at the same time. Now the only thing left is that stupid wordpress site that yes, I still haven't finished. And I don't care at this point. I'll probably finish it while I'm with my boyfriend. (lol).
I had this thought brewing inside my head before sleep last night. I feel like when I'm older I'll be such a boomer with newer technology. Not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. Well, for now it doesn't bother me and I don't care about keeping up with trends but if I ever have children and grandchildren I'll definitely be a stubborn grandma insisting on not being able to learn about something new. My taste in what I like and engage with hasn't changed since my teens. For example, I don't care for games with hyper realistic graphics, it doesn't really wow me. It wasn't a thing back then, therefore it's not really necessary to me. Every day I notice more and more how awkward I am with smartphones, and I don't really put in a lot of effort into learning more about them. I had to set up my old phone for my grandpa yesterday and after doing a factory reset I was no better at using that phone than my mom. I really, really couldn't give less of a shit about VR. The amount of my former mmo buddies that (most of them older than me by quite a bit) spend a good chunk of their time chatting and cooming in VR is pretty astounding. Lastly, streamers, and specifically, vtubers. What the fuck people!! I cannot get behind watching them as entertainment. It's so strange! It's funny to me how the vtuber audience consists of edgy woman hating 4chan coomer types on one side and twitter politically correct some flavor of the gender salad zoomers. I've never met someone normal that likes them, or just someone in the middle of those two extremes. I hate the uwu wholesome and goofy memes they make up about the vtubers, but if you happen to go into the designated nsfw channel you'll find a ton of porn of those cute! and wholesome! retarded looking avatars. Which is another thing that bugs me, every time someome talks about why you should watch and appreciate vtubers they always mention how the artists worked sooooooo hard to create a cute and beautiful character but those characters always look like an artist did a challenge of how many fetish tags they could cram into one loli. Cue the neckbeards posting on their vtuber discord channel a short clip of a loli innocently reading "F A Q" as "fakku" and it's so hilarious and innocent because clearly, she doesn't know what fakku means! LOL! It's so cute! Jesus christ.... Oh but the same neckbeards will have the intelligence and foresight to recognise those evil 3dpd twitchthots that clearly just want to drain their wallets and bait them into simping with their ass and titty shots... but they proceed to buy some cringy vtuber merch. I don't get it!! But you see, the vtubers are so talented, you have to appreciate their T A L E N T! They can sing, and dance, and goof around all while doing a speedrun! So impressive, so talented! Very worth watching! I don't get it... It's the same shit as your usual streamers lmao. But that's the thing, I never really got into watching streams, or even videos of people playing games. Streams just feel awkward to me - why not just chat with people normally, is the adrenaline rush of getting acknowledged by a streamer that huge? When it comes to games, I prefer playing them but that's what I call the big sibling syndrome. We'd always play games while our younger siblings watched. As a result, my sister knows everything about all the games I've ever played, but she never played them herself. She has a life though, so she doesn't watch streams. Anyway, when it comes to VR and vtubers I feel like I'm not in on some grand joke. I spent a good part of my childhood chatting with people on meez and imvu, so you'd think I'd get the appeal but hmmm... I don't.
Felt good to get this off my chest, I don't usually sperg about topics like this in more, let's say, male dominated spaces as I know I'd get a hit with a "you're just jealous" card...
I just finished every zoomers favourite show - Euphoria. I watched the first season as it was airing, in 2019. I have to say, the show was quite fun to me back then. I felt like I was watching most of the characters fail and embarass themselves, and most of them were painted as bad or at least morally grey people. The show was absolute degeneracy though, and I'm a bit divided on the topic of whether it should've been set at high school or not. On one hand, this kind of coming of age story can really only be set in high school. The last years of you living in your hometown, surrounded by your childhood friends who you may or may not be growing apart with, right before starting uni or starting work or moving away... These kind of stories really only work when set in high school, where characters bonds have a long history and these teens are scared of but also longing for the future at the same time. I've come to realize that is most likely why a lot of media is centered around high school, which kind of sucks, because life only gets messier after that point really. But we all hold this time in a special place I suppose. I have to say I don't because the people I went to high school with were different people from who I grew up with and because of my sketchy middle school friends I had my Euphoria phase way before high school lol. On the other hand, having to constantly put teens into extremely sexual porn like situations seems a bit sus, a bit strange, a tad weird. They're played by adults, but still. I'll always be torn on this subject, I'm such a fence sitter right now. I think freedom of expression is important but the way kids romanticize this show makes me doubt myself. Whatever, it's not intended for them, fuck them kids... But at the same time, an 18+ show that's solely focused on teens? I feel like I shouldn't be watching it. Moralizations aside though, I like fucked up shit, always did, always will I guess. It's a guilty pleasure, but because of my superior intelect (lmao) I can say I'm able to critically look at these shows and separate the good from the bad and not be influenced by dumb shit. Totally. Moving on. Some of the moments in the first season truly had me like (°ロ°) ! and I wanted to keep watching it. I can't say I "liked" any of the characters as a person, as they all seemed like messy dumb teens I would stay away from if I was one. And then the second season kind of decided to ruin that, I feel. Not sure if it's because the first season came out 3 years ago so I forgot the finer details, or if it's because this show slowly started to absolutely BLOW UP on tiktok and other zoomer adjacent spaces well some time after the first season came out but the second season seems to be full of these redemption arcs in order to make everyone as likeable as possible while also throwing in a few totally uncessary comments in order to keep the pc tiktok audience happy. Example number 1. Maddie saying the "r slur". She said the word retarded twice, and on the second time Kat is like "watch out you can't say that word :(((" like yea, trashy teens will definitely be concerned with the use of the "r slur" lmao. I just have a feeling this was done as virtue signaling so people wouldn't mind having Maddie as their problematic fave. Example number 2. is concerning Maddie again, when we're shown a montage of her being a vengeful bitch that isn't afraid to beat up people that wrong her, she's beating a girl up while saying "racist bitch" or something along those lines. Once again, I feel like such a trashy, messy teen wouldn't be doing these things. She just doesn't give me the vibe of someone that would do it. But she seemed a lot tamer in the second season. I was a bit bored by the ending, and how it decided to focus on Lexi so much. Yea yea she's the quiet bookworm with her time to shine, but idk, she didn't even get to have a satisfying moment with Fez at the end of the second season so her story feels largely unfinished and the rest of the plot points stayed untied too. Also the second season went hard with the lack of realism and the suspension of disbelief had to be upped a bit. The whole play is just way too much. The second season didn't feel "Euphoria like" and it kinda made me lose interest. I watched the first episode when it came out, and then I binged the remaining episodes a few days ago because my sister bugged me to watch it. I wasn't really feeling it. There were a few heartwarming moments that were meant to tug at your heartstrings, but they kind of didn't get me that much and you know how much I bawl at every given upportunity.
In a few days, I'm leaving. For 3 months, pretty crazy huh. Finally going to be with my boyfriend. I have all these things I need to take care of and they're causing me so much stress, I don't even want to write about them. I had to visit my moms friend to say my farewells and while I was there I used a handcream that smells way too much like my grandma so now my mind has just been transported to a much earlier time in my life, when I used to spend my whole summers with my grandma, helping with her job as a toilet cleaner at the beach. I'd spend hours walking up and down the long long beach and people watching. I never made any friends there except for one girl that was a complete nuisance because she totally ruined my daily routine, so I quickly ghosted her. I think I already wrote about this before. Yesterday I went to get my nose piercing changed to a nose ring and it's so cool. More importantly, my sister went to get her septum pierced hell yeahhh. Looks great on her. Fits her well, and she picked a goldish color which looks great with her golden hair, really nice. After getting my piercing changed it feels like I have to do healing all over again which kind of sucks. I didn't clean it in aaaages before getting the piercing changed, but now I've been cleaning it regularly since yesterday because it's kind of sore. I hope it won't trouble me during my trip, but I'll carry my old jewelry just in case. I talked about Euphoria with my sister and she completely agrees with me. She didn't even finish the 2nd season because of how bored she was with it, funny because she was the one that made me continue it around episode 2-3 lol. Honestly I really enjoy talking about media with her, she offers me different perspectives but at the same time we agree on so many things I feel proud of her looking at things critically and not going with what everyone else around her is saying. I had to instruct her on how to clean her piercing and it was such a big sister moment lmao. It reminds me of how I had to go through so many experiences alone and confused and then slowly introduced her to them so she had an easier time.