Things have been well throughout March, and I spent a lot of time with family and friens. Mom, sister and I finally went to watch Dune last week. It was.. okay. It's a Movie(tm) type of movie. While I noticed this recent trend of movies being 3 hours long, I'll be honest it didn't seem like it lasted that insanely long. It's more of a spectacle than anything else, I feel. I also watched Oppenheimer recently with my husband, and... I wasn't really wowed by it or anything. It was alright, BUT once again, the 3 hours went by fast. I think I'm expecting too much from these blockbusters. Also I have to say, I'm sick of all big movies starring the same 5 actors over and over again. I wouldn't complain if the roles actually kind of fit them, but they don't... Movies are starting to feel like a small troupe of a handful of actors filling millions of roles lmfao. I may get together with my two friends and watch Poor Things. Now THAT I'm excited about because I think I'll hate it, judging by everything I've read. From what I've seen the general aesthetic of the movie looks interesting and, even though I don't like Emma Stone at all, I think she looks really striking in the movie despite the popular opinion being that her hair looks awful and box dyed. However the themes and all are bound to irk me so I think it'll make for a great movie night with friends where I can do an unfiltered tipsy rant after we're done watching.

I've been attempting to freshen up my wardrobe a bit and I'm mostly looking for good jeans for a start. I've come to terms with the fact that I'll always dress like a normie with an alternative past and that's that. Kind of like former punks that get into shoegaze here. Every time I want to dress more edgy or unique I'm met with the fact that most interesting clothes, accessories etc. are uncomfortable. I can't sit how I like in short skirts. Cute dresses that are more form fitting ride up or have to be readjusted all the time. Blouses come in all forms of shitty materials. Mesh tops will always be shitty and unbreathable by default. Anything hole-y, whether it just be a light knitted garment or a piece with ripped holes in it my rings or nails will get stuck on. Heels aren't fun to walk in. Platforms too big make me above 180cm tall and I feel too large. Anything with a low neckline is unwearable during winter because I must wear camisoles and my chest gets COLD. Sheer tops need bras and I don't wear bras, only bralettes if I'm absolutely forced to. Flowy shirts require a bralette because if I bend over everything is exposed. Cropped tops are unwearable during most seasons and since I'm tall with a bit of a longer torso they always look too cropped on me. Wide dresses or just general totally baggy clothes have to be totally excluded because of my body type. Accessories like multiple necklaces, hair accessories, earrings, bracelets etc. annoy me... Everything about fashion that isn't completely minimalistic/classy/androgynous is obstructive, uncomfortable and restricting. With this my wardrobe has been narrowed down to male tshirts, male button ups, linen and cotton materials, longer skirts and dresses, turtlenecks, big sweatshirts... I have a few mesh tops and tops that can be layered cutely when I go out to gigs or something but that's it. I got rid of a ton of stuff. Now that summer is approaching I can already see myself in Adam Sandler-core fits 80% of the time. If I dress in long skirts and casual but tight shirts, I'm on a fine line between ultra religious woman and hippie bisexual larper. I think it's my harsher/serious face that makes me look weirdly religious despite my piercings, tattoos and whatever limited accessories I'm working with. I truly do look gaunt sometimes...
Anyway, all of this to say I found an item that solves some of the problems I've listed and that's a good first step. The SKORT lmao. Specifically the uniqlo one, I haven't found skorts of this kind anywhere else (currently). It's short but doesn't have the issue of being uncomfortable due to it being a skort... Fuck.. I can't believe I've been a skort hater my whole life because a. the term skort sounds retarded and b. I always associated them with children. Now, I have been recruited into the skort cult. It's also rare for shorts to fit me well but these are perfect. The only issue is that I took the S size despite the site telling me to get M due to my height and weight but... S is a bit too big. They're linen and linen stretches out pretty fast so I can only wear them like once or twice before washing. XS is closer to my measurements so on my next order I'll get XS. I need multiples of this item anyway, I think it'll become a staple. It's both casual and can be cute, I can wear it when going out to drink without worrying I'm flashing anyone if we're sitting outside like a bunch of bums, I can wear it with cute modest tops + no makeup without looking I'm about to attend church or like I'm missing an anti-abortion protest banner...
Oh and a quick Zara rant. I don't really like Zara at all but considering I have a discount I'll still look at it once in a while to see if I can find something cute. I finally found two casual LONG shirts with like mid length sleeves. AND they're tight. The models wearing them were probably like 175cm tall like me, but had like... I'd say at least 5 kilos less. So I took the smallest size in two colors. And....................................... both of the shirts were too WIDE. AHHHH HOW ZARA HOW. They looked tight on the models. I hate fake advertising aghhhhhhhhhh.

I did it, I drove to my sisters workplace in the city on Friday! I drove for over an hour in one go (probably for the first time) and I'll be honest, it was stress free despite getting stuck a bit in traffic. This isn't as hard as I expected, although I mostly stuck to the large 6-8 lane roads, and I didn't enter any areas where trams operate, a lot of people claim it's annoying to drive on those roads. Either way I'm really satisfied with myself. I also drove on the motorway for the first time and reached 150km/h for the first time... Usually going on the motorway is something you do during lessons, but the motorway is located pretty far from my town (at least a 20min drive) so I'd have to take a double lesson which my instructor almost never had time for. Well anyway, a lot of firsts yesterday. Pretty cool...

Another first, I finally went on a massage. It was a full body massage. I'll admit, I thought it would.. feel different? It's true that when I was getting a massage it felt like the massage therapist pressed into bones and muscles that I didn't even know they existed, actually I don't know what I was expecting. I felt really beat up but refreshed afterwards. Maybe next time I'm going to just get a back massage instead, because I think the rest of my body is in pretty good shape. My favorite part was when she was massaging my Achilles tendon. I felt like I grew a few mm from it lmao. The experience was positive, all in all.

I spent Women's Day with my mother and my sister. We did a little shopping, we went to a new restaurant... I wanted to go to some gig organized for Women's Day but this took priority since both my mom and sister are more busy than me. Soon I'll be able to start looking for a job so the curse of being busy will fall upon me as well. Ahhhh

My mind is pretty restless, yet I can't really bring myself to rant about anything in particular. Maybe I could best sum it up with - everything feels so serious now online. Every action you take is so important and grand, you'd think every rando has the power to move mountains and obliterate people with a few words when in reality nobody gives a fuck and everyone forgets about you in less than a week, hell, in less than an hour. You need to apologize for everything, always take everything and everyone into consideration... it just makes me not want to participate anywhere because I'm so tired. Even spaces I enjoy are becoming like this. But this only goes for the english speaking side of the Internet. On the other hand, when you venture out of the english speaking bubble things do a 180 and in broad daylight you find men in telegram/whatsapp groups with some ridiculous number like 30% of the countries male population sharing nonconsensual porn of women they know and nobody gives a shit. It's like, they're not even bothering to hide it. And then these same men living in countries which are still super sexist try to co-opt the western MGTOW/incel shit (not like western men have a more valid reason for this retardation either) with stuff like m-muh male loneliness epidemic but the fact that they're all participating in blackmailing women and the fact that 1 in 3 women gets sexually assaulted, wait wait, that's not an epidemic at all, that's just how life is... How did a vent about the Internet turn into- whatever man...

Ok to end this entry with something not so bleak. I have removed a TICK from a cat for the first time in my life. My neighbor's cat (yes, another neighbor has a cat that likes to visit our apartment) had a tick on his neck. I tried to remove it well, but I think like half of his head stayed inside the flesh. Apparently it's not a big deal and we sanitized the area but I hope the kitty will be ok... I know I'm worrying about something extremely commonplace lmao. I never expected the tick to be so hard to remove, that thing lodged itself inside the skin with such force wtf? I thought it was way easier to pull out. I wish he wasn't an outside cat, but he was found as a stray and he likes going outside too much. He's a bit of a dumbass unlike my old cat, which is why I don't trust him outside lmao. Maybe I'll buy that tick treatment you put on the back of their necks or something. I need to find excuses to drive myself somewhere. The good thing about him is that he's calm and docile so me and my mom were able to hold him down with little force while taking the tick out, and I was slow as hell. I gave him treats afterwards too...

A fresh start! Just what I needed, to be honest. I am still unsure as to what to do with my old diary entries, and the old old diary entries, too. On one hand, I love to preserve and archive things online, on the other hand, diary entries are pretty personal and I sometimes divulge too much information for my own taste. We shall see...

Over a year has passed since my appendectomy. I think I got home from the hospital around this time. 2 out of 4 scars went a bit hypertrophic, but if my old mole removal scars are anything to go by, I think raised scarring will go down in time and eventually fade. The other two scars are as good as invisible. How your body reacts to scars is an interesting thing, my stomach seems prone to hypertrophic scars compared to the rest of my body. Not that I have an insane of amount of scars to compare it to. At least they're not keloids, now that would suck.
Recovery from my surgery took longer than usual due to the fact I almost went septic lol. For a few months afterwards, I didn't do my usual exercises and actually, I feel like for the first time in my life I developed a bad posterior pelvic tilt. I first noticed it in May, when I looked at some pictures my friend took of me. I looked like a duck... So I took some steps to fix that, because it also causes backpain. I think I'm more or less good now, and I'm always consciously fixing my posture. For what it's worth, my posture regarding my shoulders and neck was never that great, I've got a good old case of gamer neck due to being, well, a gamer, but also a tall woman surrounded by short women growing up. I did take some steps in fixing that too though, I guess some time after high school. I'll always have a long neck though, there's not much I can do to help it.
I'm glad no complications arose from this procedure. I'd say I'm even generally healthier now than I was last year right before the surgery. I hope the trend continues!

I've been driving more ever since getting my license... I think more or less I feel very secure on the roads. Despite the fact that car crashes in my region went up by 20% since 2022. Can you believe that? T w e n t y p e r c e n t? What's going on with driving culture here, I wonder. People really do drive like maniacs, now that I'm not driving in a clearly marked learning vehicle, it's a lot clearer. Tailgating happened often when I was learning too, but now I'm witnessing all sorts of bullshit. People cutting you off when you have right of way, suddenly stopping at green lights (??), no indicators in roundabouts, flashing lights at you to speed up when you're already going 20km/h over what's allowed... Even my mom commented how often I get into weird situations compared to her when she's driving, but I think she's just so numb to this stuff that she just doesn't notice it. I do have to admit I'm blessed with a lot of calmness when driving, which was something I never expected of myself. I always thought I'd be nervous, scared, anxious, unsure.. all the worst qualities in a driver you could imagine. But I'm not! For now.. On Friday I'll be driving to the capital, which will be the real test.